overratedthoughts

unfamiliar dishearteninng surprise

Woke up this morning after a long fitful sleep. Weird dreams about being abroad with friends and niki, being branded a terrorist, then another dream about being abroad with my brother and cousin, losing my brother… waking up numerous times for no reason and going back to sleep. Feeling anxious as all hell. One of the most eventful nights of sleep I’ve ever had. I woke up this morning expecting to feel at ease: expecting to see my desk from ikea with my desktop and beautiful monitor. My plant and my tall bookshelf full of my books and dvds. My coffee table with my mouse on it, left there from the night before. My closet door, windows, tv and tv stand. All my comforting furniture from college, my bed that holds precious memories of the time after, my room of 1.5 years… but instead I saw a disheveled room with luggage sprawled everywhere. An air mattress and my tv on the floor. I remembered I am in colorado springs and that the comfort and ease of home does not exist for me. I am alone in the unfamiliar. I no longer can call up a friend to hang out and unload some of my emotional troubles, or battle the loneliness together, or relax with. Alone by myself with nobody and really nothing to live for. Constantly reminded that I don’t live my life and that my life is not in my hands. I am not allowed to live this life for myself… and finally being reminded that for the first time in my life, I am truly alone. I am not surrounded by the familiar, I don’t have a group of friends like I always always have, I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t have my family. I am alone… everyday is truly a struggle. I hope for time to pass quickly… I wish for my happiness to return… it sucks to be miserable…